Webster's Dictionary to Add "Misremembers" to Next Edition

It's taken me a few days to digest the testimony of Roger Clemens on Capitol Hill earlier this week and I'm still not quite sure what really took place. Do we know any more than we did when the Mitchell Report was released? Yes, we know more details but we're not really much closer to the truth or a resolution. This appears to be a classic case of he said, she said. And yes, I'm referring to Roger Clemens as a she. In my opinion, he can't take enough public humiliation and I believe that he has no one to blame but himself. As I stated in my article on Rodney HGHarrison earlier in the week, Clemens could have just admitted his use, paid the penalty, apologized and tried to move on. Now he just looks like he's completely ruining his entire reputation, the reputation of his wife, former friends and even his mother and former nanny. Although, I'm really, really confused about the party at Jose Canseco's house, the testimony of the nanny, and how that plays into this whole thing. I will say that parties at Canseco's house sound like lots of fun, though.

During the hearing, Clemens was constantly caught up in his own words (or lies, as I like to say), twisted logic and a timeline that rewrites our numerical system. And this was all before Andy Pettitte's testimony was brought up. And before I even knew that Andy's wife's name was Laura- that was some pretty damaging testimony from her. In his defense, all Clemens said was that Pettitte "misheard" and "misremembered" the story. And Clemens didn't even stray near Laura Petitite's testimony that Andy told her of the conversations at that time and the stories haven't changed.

I'm a New Englander, born and raised, which means that I was born with the 'I hate the Yankees' gene, which I hope to pass on to my children and grandchildren. Having said that, I could see myself going out and buying an Andy Pettitte jersey so that I can celebrate the man who helped bring down Clemens. It just seems appropriate.

Here are more of my thoughts on Clemens and the hearing. And believe me, I want nothing more than to never hear the name Roger Clemens again.

∙ The basic argument that Clemens wants us to believe is that when Brian McNamee said he injected Andy Pettitte with HGH, he was telling the truth. When McNamee says he injected Chuck Knoblauch with HGH, that was also true. Clemens now admits that McNamee also injected Debbie Clemens, as well as a dozen or so other people in his inner circle. But somehow we're not supposed to believe McNamme when he says that Clemens used steroids and HGH, as well. To me, this is some of the most damaging evidence against Clemens becuase he never addressed why he thought McNamee was telling the truth about Pettitte, Knoblauch, and others but lying about him. Better yet, Clemens never addressed why Pettitte would lie at all.

∙ A lot of people are saying that McNamee also took a beating in the hearing but I'm not buying it. Time after time, Clemens was caught in a web of his own lies. By comparison, McNamee was only called out on his prior lies, not the issues pertinent to this case. Yeah, McNamee seems like a relative of scum of the earth but you know what? His story hasn't changed. How many times has Clemens' story changed since the Mitchell Report came out?

∙ The strongest opponent of McNamee turned out to be Representative Dan Burton of Indiana who said to McNamee, "This is really disgusting. I don't know what to believe. I know what I don't believe and that's you." Those seem like awfully strong words coming from a guy who got his girlfriend pregnant and doesn't see his son for years at a time. I guess that's not too bad, except that Burton was married when he got his girlfriend pregnant. Nothing good can ever come of having a wife and a girlfriend.

∙ Can we come up with a new nickname for Clemens? The Rocket just doesn't cut it any more. How about The Syringe? Or Balloon Head? Donkey's behind works good, too.

∙ Boy, it seems like a long time ago that I was a young, impressionable kid who saw Roger Clemens pitch and wanted to be just like him. So much so that I even went out and bought Zest soap that he was the spokesperson for. Do you remember the tag line? "You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean." Perhaps Roger could use some Zest! I would, however, like my money back:



∙ People watching around the world have to be laughing at American government. We have a military presence in more countries than I can count, all in the name of Democracy. And this is what we're spending taxpayer's money doing? Yeah, they probably wouldn't want to look into how Exxon just released figures showing the largest quarterly profit EVER, for any company. And coming up with a plan to help fix the health care crisis in this country just seems like a waste of time. Crumbling school systems? Nah, but boy, we sure gotta get to the bottom of this Roger Clemens thing.

∙ What's the deal with Congressman Stephen Lynch completely misrepresenting the grand state of Masschusetts? He was given ten minutes to confront both Clemens and McNamee and then spent nine minutes asking his question. However, Lynch did bring up some important information that was never explained by Clemens or expanded upon by anyone else, namely that you have a leading physician saying that, based on Clemens' MRIs from his days in Toronto, he would conclude that the mass on his buttocks was caused by repeated injections of steroids.

∙ Did you see North Carolina Representative Virginia Fox at the end of the hearing? Yup, that was her holding Roger Clemens' arm and hugging Debbie Clemens after the hearing. Do my taxes go towards her salary?

So there are some of the highlights (or lowlights) of the testimony. And you know what? It hasn't brought us any closer to the truth, other than everyone saw the real Roger Clemens. Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about. The selfless one who asked out of countless games, the grandstanding teammate who always played by different rules, the head hunter, the fuzzy mathematician who thinks Toronto is closer to Texas than Boston is, the guy who unretired several times to fleece teams out of millions of dollars, the total and complete liar who seems to be the one "misremembering" the facts of his own sordid tale. During his career, it was all about Roger, his stats, the Cy Young, the records, the World Series rings. And in the end, it's still all about Roger, even if he has to drag his mother's name and his wife's name through the mud to futher aid his sketchy trail of lies.

Luckily, it looks like Clemens might get what he deserves and that's a shot to be left out of the Hall of Fame. And nothing would tick him off more than knowing that all those years that he played by his own rules are now catching up to him. Along with a Federal Grand Jury Indictment.

And while Roger may not have been very up front during the hearing, he was able to speak the truth later in the week:


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