Red Sox Sign Huge Tub of Goo

Well, I woke up this morning to hear that the Red Sox have signed Bartolo Colon to a minor league deal. My first thought was to go out and stock up my food pantry before he arrives in Boston and cleans out entire grocery stores in a single visit. At first, I was a little surprised because the last I heard, Colon was going to sign with the White Sox but apparently he likes red better. And who can blame him for not wanting to be coached by Ozzie Guillen. That guy is just plain nuts. If nothing else, this signing gives 300 pound men all over America a glimmer of hope that their dreams of pitching in the big leagues can come true.

I wasn't sure if this was a good move but then I found out that it's not going to cost the Red Sox much. In fact, if he doesn't make the roster, the Sox owe him nothing. If Colon does make the roster, it will be for a minimum salary with performance bonuses built in. And I'm just going out on a limb here and guessing that the Red Sox didn't include any type of weight clauses in this contract like they did for Curt Schilling. This may be the only time in history when I would believe a baseball player if he held out for more money because he had a family to feed. For a guy that has had a rough couple of years with injuries, he sure hasn't done much to stay in shape, unless eating cookies and donuts is his idea of a good workout.

From what I can tell, the White Sox, Cardinals and Astros were also interested in Colon. It was also rumored that Colon was close to an agreement with the Mets earlier this winter but they backed off out of concern for the condition of his pitching arm. Apparently the Mets only like young left handed studs who are in shape and throw 200 plus innings a year while totally dominating their division.

For the record, El Guapo Part Deux pretty much stunk last year with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County of California because of injuries, going 6-8 with a 6.34 ERA, which was the worst of his career. During his 11-year career, Colon is 146-95 with a 4.10 ERA. He's won 20-games twice in his career, as well as the Cy Young Award in 2005 with the Angels. So let's hope we're getting the Colon of 2005 and not the Colon of 2007. Somehow, I doubt it, though.

If I owned a grocery store near Fenway Park, I'd start stocking up on food now. From a financial standpoint, my only concern if I were the Red Sox would be if Colon does make the roster, it will probably cost them more to feed him than it will cost to pay him to pitch. Anyway, welcome to Boston, Bartolo.